The Ivory Tower
by Meabd
Summary: AU in which Roy is a new hire for Amestris University's applied sciences department and Edward is a truth-bending little shit that likes to fuck with the new guys. For those of you that tried to read the second chapter to no avail, it's been updated with corrections!
1. The Ivory Tower

It was late, Roy was tired, and he had _massive_ amounts of work to do. With his freshly minted PhD, he'd found a post (by the grace of God alone) and he _needed_ his first class to go smoothly. Yes, the lesson plans were all written out, and yes he could probably teach organic chemistry in his sleep, but that didn't mean that he wasn't a nervous bundle of insomnia induced mania. That being said, the only thing to do at this point was to get some fucking coffee and muscle through his last bit of work. _Tomorrow's the day of reckoning_ , he thought wryly, ducking out of the rain and into the welcoming warmth of Curtis Coffee House.

It being thirty minutes before close, he wasn't at all shocked to find the place empty. It _was_ Sunday, after all, and the last night before term started ; odds are most of the students that lived in the area were off on one last bender. Roy approached the unmanned counter, glancing around for a barista. The messenger bag on his shoulder was biting into the already strained muscles of his back— _I'm way too old for these late nights._

"Shit, sorry, how can I help you?" Roy was jolted from his reverie by a surprised expletive and a small blonde rushing back to the register. Bright gold eyes stared into dark blue ones and Roy felt his mouth go dry and his mind go blank. "Sir? Did you need something?" _Jesus christ stop checking out the barista Roy._

"Yeah, I'll have a large dark roast, no room for cream," his voice did _not_ crack, goddammit, because he is a _man_. The smile that beamed out at him was like a ray of sunlight.

"Of course, _sir_. That'll be three-forty. Late night?" Roy shrugged, shuffling around his pockets and pulling out a couple wet bills.

"You could—" _ahem_ "—you could say that, yes." _Wow, Roy. Good fucking job you lame asshole. What is this, amateur hour?_

The young man took Roy's moist money— _is he checking me out?_ —and turned to get his much needed caffeine. "Balls. Um, we're out of dark, but I can brew some more. Go have a seat by the fireplace and I'll have it right out." Roy frowned, he didn't want to be _that_ guy.

"No, no, it's fine, I'll take whatever you've got. You need to close up, I don't want to keep you." The man's long blonde braid was tossed haphazardly over his shoulder with a careless half shrug as golden eyes raked over the shivering form of Dr. Roy Mustang.

"You. Fireplace. Sit. You look like you're freezing your tits off. Your coffee will be out in a minute." Roy's eyebrows shot up at the bossy tone, but he made no comment. It _would_ be nice to sit down out of the rain for a moment. It had absolutely nothing to do with the endearing quirk of the young man's grin. Nope, _absolutely nothing_. He dragged himself over to the well-worn armchair and flopped down, pulling out his lecture notes for one last go through. The barista came out from behind the counter, humming absentmindedly to himself as he picked up chairs and placed them on top of tables.

"You aren't from around here, huh?" That melodic voice broke through Roy's concentration once more and he looked up from the crinkled notes.

"No, I'm not. I got in last week from Maine." The blonde nodded, going back to grab a broom and dustpan that were hanging by what must have been the kitchen door.

"New job?" He asked from across the room, voice only slightly raised. He seemed to have one of those magical voices, the ones just _made_ to command attention, all honey and warmth and something a little darker. Roy glanced down at his work and deemed it much less important than this incredibly hot young man.

"Yeah. I'm starting at the university tomorrow. I teach biology and organic chemistry." The blonde stopped sweeping, leaning the broom against the side of the cozy brick fireplace Roy found himself next to.

"You're Roy Mustang, then?" Roy studied the young man's face at length ; it was a small school, he was probably a major in the science department and heard about the new hire.

"Yeah, I am. And you are? A student I presume." That honeyed voice laughed softly at a joke Roy apparently wasn't privy to.

"Nope. I'm not a student, though I like to audit classes sometimes just for the hell of it. My brother is in the PhD program, though. The name's Ed, by the way." He held out a hand, and Roy couldn't seem to help but notice how frigid his palm was, even through the plastic glove.

"Your coffee is probably ready, I'll go grab it for you," Ed flicked open a pocket watch that had been hanging on his hip ( _how old fashioned_ , Roy thought). Gathering his affairs, the young professor followed the dangerously attractive Ed to the counter to retrieve his coffee.

"You know, my first class is tomorrow at noon. How about you audit _me_?" Roy's smile turned flirtatious and he winked. But if Roy's smile was flirtatious, Ed's was downright _predatory_ as he handed over the steaming cup, managing to just barely brush their fingers together.

"I may just do that, _Doctor Mustang_ ," Ed winked back, and Roy made a hasty retreat into the dark downpour, pleased with his apparent success. _Wait a minute... if he's not a student, how old is he?_ Jesus Christ if Roy had just propositioned a minor he may as well turn in his resignation and go die in a hole—fraternising with one the doctoral candidate's jailbait siblings would get around fast and would _not_ be looked kindly upon. Hopefully Ed would forget the whole thing and not show up. And also not mention it to his brother. Fuck.

* * *

Edward Elric sat down in front of his laptop, smelling of coffee and pastries. He flexed his mismatched fingers, smiling ruefully at his incredible luck—of _course_ Al would ask Ed to cover his shift _tonight_ of all nights. The world worked in mysterious ways. Ed cracked his neck and set out to draft an email to the surprisingly young, surprisingly hot new hire in his department.

 _Dr. Mustang,_

 _I regret to inform you that Dr. Grumman has packed up for retirement early, and will not be available to meet you tomorrow. If you'd come by my office after your 8 am class we can get the necessary paperwork out of the way. I look forward to working with you in the future._

 _Regards,_

 _Dr. E. Elric, Applied Sciences Department Chair_

Ed grinned to himself, hitting the send button and running through in his head every way he could fuck with the new guy during his normal 'audition the newbs' phase of the hiring process. Hopefully Mustang wasn't a dick, he'd _hate_ to have to fire eye candy of his caliber.

* * *

Roy glanced at his watch as his students started filing into class. He was nervous, but not as much as he thought he'd be. Meeting the new department Chair had him a bit on edge—Dr. Grumman had explained his retirement, and said that he would be filling in for his successor, but that didn't help the fact that Roy was feeling very off-kilter about the change in his first day plans. He liked the ageing professor, and was looking forward to having one last chat with Dr. Grumman before he left. What was even more daunting, however, was Dr. Elric's reputation ; his wikipedia page was nothing more than a _long_ list of accomplishments and accolades, and the man had something like three PhD's. Needless to say, Roy was starting to feel a little self conscious about his resumé.

Pushing all that to the back of his mind, Roy glanced at the time once more, put on his game face, and began class... And then five minutes later was summarily (and _rudely_ ) interrupted by the door of the lecture hall being kicked open by—oh _fuck_ was that Ed? That was Ed. The young man made no effort to be quiet as he ambled down to the front row, dropping lazily into the seat and setting down a steaming cup of coffee on the desk. He was dressed casually, in dark jeans, a white button up and a _very_ flattering leather jacket. It took only the barest moment for Roy to stop ogling and start _fuming_ —this kid who wasn't even a student not only had the audacity to get him all hot and bothered, but _also_ to interrupt his very important first day. God, _fuck_ this brat. And not even literally. Roy shot a pointed glare at the young man before continuing his lecture.

The students, however, were very far from focused. Ed's entrance had thrown the room into a tizzy and whispered conversations sprung up in his wake. Roy struggled to get through the rest of the syllabus before summarily dismissing the room, a mere thirty-two minutes into what was meant to be a two hour lecture on the basics of biochemistry.

As the students filed out, whispers turning into muted conversations, a small young woman dressed in pink approached Ed. "Al is _not_ going to be happy about this, you know." He grimaced at her.

"Oh shut up May." She rolled her eyes and turned on the heel of her foot.

"I'm not going to be the one to bail you out of the dog house _this_ time," May quipped over her shoulder before retreating from the lecture hall. Ed remained seated with an expectant look on his face, apparently waiting for Roy. His golden eyes unflinchingly met Roy's glare, the impertinent smile that tugged at the edges of his lips did nothing for Roy's patience.

"What was that?" Roy grouched at Ed, picking up his papers so he wouldn't have to look at the little shit.

"You know the first day is usually just a reading of the syllabus, right? You wouldn't have held their attention anyway. I did you a favour." Ed replied conversationally, his light tone serving only to further annoy.

"Oh shut it. You're hardly the authority on first-day classes. And you _know_ I didn't invite you to this lecture to be disruptive." The brunette grabbed his overloaded messenger bag and headed for the door, not sparing a glance at the gorgeous—yet _oh_ so douchy—young man.

"That begs the question, _Dr. Mustang_ , why you invited me at all? I'm not a student," Roy swallowed the lump in his throat. He was so screwed. Ed _must_ have tattled on the dirty old man scheming to get into underage pants. _Shitfuck_.

"You have a meeting with the chair next, right? Do you know where the office is?" Ed continued, close on Roy's heels as he followed the nervous young professor out the door and sped up to meet his stride.

"Yes, I—how do you know that?" Roy's suspicious glare was met with an uneven shrug. This kid was trouble, through and through.

"Oh that's normally how things go around here. Come on, I'll walk you there." Roy's pace increased, maybe with his short, stubby (lovely) legs the pint-sized bag of dicks would get the message and leave him alone.

"My meeting isn't scheduled until the _end_ of my lecture, he won't be expecting me." Which was perfect, really, because in truth Roy actually had no idea where the office was ; a little extra time to find his way around was definitely appreciated (though not at the expense of his first lecture being cut short.)

"Oh he'll be there," Ed assured him as they both turned a corner, only to be met with the rather comical image of Dr. Grumman trying to pick the lock of an office door.

"What the hell old man, you can't just go breaking into people's offices like that," Ed's tone was annoyed, and Roy stared at him open mouthed. _He couldn't just—_

"Oh Edward my boy! Good timing! I see you've met Roy?" _Wait. What?_ "I've left my chess set in the office and didn't want to disturb your class audit, I thought I'd just let myself in." Dr. Grumman smiled widely, ignoring the exasperated sigh of the young man at Roy's shoulder. Ed shoved the ageing professor out of the way as he retrieved a hefty set of keys from his coat pocket.

"You could have waited like a normal goddamn person, you know." A sinking feeling began to settle deep in the pit of Roy's stomach as Ed toed open the office door, stepping aside so that Dr. Grumman could waltz in. He went straight to the heavily loaded bookcase and pulled out a portable chess set.

"Looks like you wasted no time moving in. That excited to stop teaching, eh?" Ed winced before setting his coffee cup on the desk.

"I had too many books for my office, and Al threatened to kill me if I didn't free up some space at home. It was the perfect opportunity. Now will you please leave me the fuck alone so I can start this meeting?" Roy's mouth was bone dry and he was doing a damn good impression of a fish out of water. "That is, if you don't mind, _Roy_? I know it's early." He shook his head silently.

"I'll leave you to it then, my boy. I hope you didn't scare him too much," Dr. Grumman laid a gentle hand on Roy's shoulder, nudging him to sit in the plush seat next to his elbow, "don't worry Dr. Mustang, he does this with everyone," he parted with a jovial laugh and a conspiratorial wink. Ed flopped down behind the impressive mahogany desk as he arched one eyebrow at Roy, who was very sure he'd be out of a job before the day was done.

"You're... then... How _old_ are you?" Ed sighed, propping both of his feet up on the desk, not minding the stack of papers that were in the way.

"Edward _Elric_ , at your service. I'm twenty-five." Roy slumped down into the plush chair opposite Ed as he ran one hand through his already messy hair.

"I'm sorry—"

"Hey," Ed interrupted, "don't sweat it. It's like the old asshole said, I do this to all the new prof's. I may hate teaching, but I _do_ care about the students... it's the perfect way to vet our hires. How they handle bad situations is very important." Stepping away from the situation, Roy could understand the logic : having someone in the department that looked young enough to pass off as a student would be beneficial in rooting out the professor's that couldn't cut it. That being said, Roy still wan't all that pleased with the whole thing.

"So, just to clarify, I'm _not_ getting fired?" Ed's cheerful face grew sombre and Roy mentally started tallying up how many more months he could live on ramen before scurvy would set in.

"You can keep your job, but only if you agree to one thing." The brunette's ears perked up and he sat straighter in his seat.

"Come get coffee with me. Or dinner, whatever you prefer," the smile that graced his lips was radiant, and Roy counted his blessings that this man _was_ in fact of legal age to consent.

"I'd be perfectly amenable to that, _Doctor_ Elric," the grin that Roy returned was just as bright, and he found himself wondering what the university's fraternisation rules were.


	2. Coffee and Rain

It was only fitting that this pseudo-date would happen on what seemed to be the most depressing, wet, miserable day Roy had seen in his life. It was reminiscent of the night Roy met Ed barely a week prior— _had it really been so little time?_ Inside the warmth of Curtis Coffee, nestled up by the fire with a book and a latté, the weather seemed almost romantic. Outside, however, Poseidon had abandoned his post in the sea to open up the sky and send down the righteous judgement of flooding. Roy thanked his lucky stars for traction control, because on the four block drive it had taken to get here his car had been a breath away from hydroplaning the entire time.

The slightly damp doctor checked his watch for the umpteenth time—Ed was almost an hour and a half late. Roy was a patient man, but there comes a point when patience turns into the sinking feeling of _knowing_ that you've been stood up. Frankly, the only thing that had kept him there for this long was the stupid hope that the rain would let up. Since that didn't seem like it would happen anytime soon, he decided to cut his losses, go home, and pour himself a stiff drink before the roads flooded too much to leave at all.

Roy lost himself in this pity party as he packed up, wondering why his department chair had asked him out only to abandon him the day of. _I really hope this isn't another stupid fucking test..._ his lips pursed together as he gave more thought to that. What if it _was_ another test? What if it was some kind of faculty hazing thing? Didn't that only ever happen in movies, though? _Uhg_.

"I am _so_ sorry," a familiar voice interrupted his thoughts, accompanied by the cool metal of a prosthetic hand gently grasping the moist cotton of Roy's button-up. Ed, himself, looked as if he'd taken a swim fully clothed.

"I left like thirty minutes early, but when I tried to make it across the bridge it was flooded, so I had to walk half way across town to get to the _other_ fucking bridge, which was only _mostly_ flooded, and I lost my umbrella—not that it was doing me any good—but," he withdrew his hand to rub it across his face wearily, "point is, I'm sorry I'm late. Can you wait just a minute longer while I go upstairs and put my clothes in the dryer?" Ed had already shrugged out of his soaking wet windbreaker.

"Not a problem, Ed. I'll grab us some coffee while I wait." A sunny smile was Roy's thanks... he suddenly didn't mind at all the hour and a half wait.

"Great! I'm gonna borrow this—" the blonde grabbed Roy's abandoned hoodie— "I have pants, but no shirt. I want a vanilla latté, give May my name, it should be on the house." Roy watched as Ed disappeared behind the door marked _Employees Only_ , not waiting for a reply. Well, at least he hadn't been stood up. Funny, though, that he had spare pants here. Even stranger was the presence of a _dryer_. Ed could have been going up to an apartment above the shop, but that begged the question how close he was with the owners of Curtis Coffee. _That's a thought for another day,_ the brunette shook off his musings as he approached the counter, wallet in hand.

"Put it away Dr. Mustang. We don't charge Ed, and I'm hoping for some bonus points if I ply you with enough coffee," May winked at him as she busied herself with Ed's latté, steaming the almond milk and setting up the espresso machine.

"Ms. Chang, you know I can't give you any extra credit for free coffee," grey eyes rolled so hard Roy could almost _hear_ the sarcasm.

"Yeah, yeah. I knew it'd be too much to ask. Well whaddaya want then?" Roy glanced at the menu—for a small shop, Curtis Coffee really did boast a wide range of choices. He'd never been one for frills and lace, though, so anything beyond dark roast, light roast and blond was mostly foreign to him.

"Oh, I don't know. Surprise me. Anything hot will do, other than that I leave myself in your _capable_ hands," May's hands stilled on the machine as colour flooded her otherwise pale cheeks. She arched one perfectly manicured brow, her features twisting from shock to suspicion.

"Sure thing lover-boy. Just don't let Al see you flirting indiscriminately while on a _date_ with his _brother_ ," May turned her back, bustling around the syrup pumps. Roy hardly thought that was fair ; he wasn't _flirting indiscriminately_ , he was hardly flirting at all! He was just a very social, friendly person. It wasn't his fault that basic human kindness was so often construed as flirtation. Besides, he was just being _himself_.

"You know, I still haven't actually _met_ Al yet," Roy mentioned conversationally as he leaned one hip against the low counter.

May shrugged, nonplussed by the change in topic, "well, you don't oversee the PhD students. It's understandable that you haven't," she flicked on the sink behind the counter, rinsing the sticky syrup off her fingers. "Besides, you'll see him soon enough, he's around Ed's office all the time," Roy wondered what kind of man Al was. If he was even half as odd as his mercurial brother, he didn't know how he'd cope with _two_ crazy Elrics. Frankly, Roy had issues with just the one.

"How do you know Ed and Al?" May obviously wasn't the same age, but they might've met here at the coffee shop. Roy _wasn't_ looking for intel on his surprisingly private boss/crush, he _really_ wasn't.

"They know my asshole half-brother. Here's your coffee, don't keep him waiting," May shoved Roy's cup at him and motioned toward the chairs by the fireplace where Ed was lounging, bare feet up and head back, his hair let loose from its braid and tumbling over his shoulders.

 _He looks fantastic in my clothes_ , Roy thought. Ed's borrowed sweat pants were obviously too long for him, and he had rolled them up to the ankle, that coupled with the oversized hoodie painted a picture of homey comfort. Roy's eyes raked over Ed's body, but stopped on the metal foot. He had obviously noticed the automail hand, it was pretty hard not to. He hadn't, however, known that he was a _double_ amputee. There was more to Edward Elric than meets the eye.

"Like what you see?" Ed teased, having caught Roy staring. Roy didn't answer, rather he sank into the overstuffed red cushions and handed off the steaming cup labeled 'Assgoblin'. _Hm. Miss Chang is_ very _creative with her insults..._ he turned his own cup, noticing that it was free of writing. Well, at least she had the good sense not to insult the man in charge of her grade.

"Our friendly barista has some choice words for you, Dr. Elric. How on earth do you manage to antagonise someone to the point of earning a moniker like Assgoblin?" Ed glanced at his cup, grimacing at the black sharpie he evidently hadn't noticed.

"Oh fuck off, May's a grade A bitch when she wants to be. Don't trust her _I'm just an innocent little girl_ look," Roy stifled a laugh as he took a sip of his— _dear god in heaven what_ is _this?_

"You let her pick for you, huh?" Ed laughed at Roy's expression as he stared in abject horror at the innocuous paper cup in his hands. Ed swiped it, preparing to take a sip himself.

" _Don't_. Unless you have a death wish," Ed brushed off Roy's warning and raised the paper cup to his lips. He looked as if he immediately regretted it.

"Yeesh. The girl adds tabasco to _everything_. Here, take mine. I've gotten used to her concoctions," Roy felt a little bad that Ed was willing to martyr his taste buds for his sake, but not actually bad enough to protest. Some things just did _not_ belong in a drink.

"So, May said you all knew each other through her... 'asshole half-brother,'" Roy huffed a small laugh, which was matched by Ed's indulgent smile, "what's the story on that?" Sipping thoughtfully on the evil that was his coffee, Ed sat forward in his chair, resting elbow on knees. The light warmed the angular planes of Ed's face, making poetry of shadows. Roy was mesmerised.

"Yea, that would be Ling. Those two never had the best relationship. He was a doctoral candidate of chemistry with me under Grumman... he was..." Ed uncharacteristically trailed off, his lips pursed into a rather unpleasant smile. _So there's history there._ Roy filed that information away for later. Maybe he could have a little tête-à-tête later with the lovely Miss Chang.

"Right, well, what about your move here? You must miss Maine," Ed smoothly changed subjects, his head tilting ever so slightly.

"Well, yes and no. My closest friends were there, but we've all since scattered... there's one at NYU, and another at Brown—and, well, me here." Roy's thoughts turned to Riza and Maes, his lips curled into a wry smile—he _did_ miss his friends, but there was nothing left for him in Maine.

"Quite the impressive line-up, there. Not that it surprises me, intelligent people tend to stick together," Ed winked, his thinly veiled compliment both surprised and pleased Roy.

"Oh... I, um...thank you," Roy tightened his grip on the now lukewarm latté in his hands. "Hey, I was wondering—and you don't have to answer if it's too personal, but—"

"It was a car accident," Ed interjected, his face closing into an unreadable expression. "I was eleven, Al was ten. My mom was driving in weather a lot like this. She lost control of the car and died on impact. Al was in a coma for a couple of years, and I got away with two shiny new limbs," Roy sat back in his chair, taken aback.

Ed's bangs obscured his eyes and his tone grew bitter. "You know, I think we're done here," his voice was hard, veritably chomping out words. He moved to rise, but Roy caught his metal wrist before he could. The look Edward gave him was so cold he felt this chill right down to his bones.

"I—that's not what I was going to ask," the blonde looked at him through guarded eyes, biting his tongue— _for once_ —as he waited for Roy to continue. "It's just... for a while there you were publishing an article or two every month, but recently you're putting out four or five a year at best. I wanted to know what changed," Roy let go of Ed's wrist, the young man sat back in his own chair. Not _quite_ relaxed, but not fleeing either.

"Oh. I spent a lot of time with Al when he was in a coma. It's easy to collect degrees when you have nothing better to do but sit in silence eight hours a day," Ed took a sip of coffee with a pained expression that had nothing to do with the toxicity of his beverage. "When he woke up work just wasn't a priority. I stopped publishing as much since I had Al to take care of," Roy nodded in understanding, and the two sat in silence for a moment. This wasn't what Roy had in mind for a first date.

"Look, it's just—that's the first thing people ask usually. And if they don't ask they _stare_. I just assumed—" Roy held his hand up, silencing his companion.

"It's fine. I get it. I suppose I could have phrased that question better in any case," Ed rubbed the back of his neck as Roy swiped a hand through his already messy hair.

"Yeah, not the best start, huh?" Ed's tone was light, though forced. "Do you have siblings, Roy?"

Roy shook his head. "No... no, I grew up alone. My parents had died when I was young, so I was in the foster care system for a while," Ed offered no platitudes, which Roy was eternally grateful for. "It got better when my Aunt Chris adopted me—I was _never_ alone after that," Roy debated about how much to tell Ed ( _your boss_ , his mind annoyingly reminded him). "She ran an establishment of... questionable morals. Her girls always had time for me. It was rough getting through school being as broke as we were, but it all worked out in the end," Ed looked thoughtful, though his eyes were surprisingly judgement free.

"Well, I'd say you turned out alright," metal fingers played with strand of blonde hair, "you know, I read your doctoral thesis. It was _brilliant_. That's why I offered you up to Grumman as my replacement," Roy's eyes widened.

"I—really? I didn't know you had a hand in it." Roy hated that his grin was so big, and he _hated_ the light, giddy feeling that he was fighting to suppress.

"Yeah. Don't get too cocky about it bastard, just because you were my first pick doesn't mean you can't be replaced," Ed winked, and Roy laughed at the faux threat.

"Of course not, you've got to keep me on my toes, after all," Roy reached a hand out, playfully tapping his companion's thigh.

Ed smiled, "Damn straight I do."

A silence, very unlike the previous one fell over the couple. Roy thought he saw something, just for a split second—something that looked very much like _affection_. But then the moment was gone, and Ed's shoulders fell a bit as he turned his eyes away from Roy and down to his hip.

Nimble fingers plucked his silver watch out of the sagging pocket of the sweatpants. Ed's lips were pursed, not quite in a frown, but he didn't look happy about it, either. "Hey, I'm sorry, but I have to be home soon or Al will kill me. If I want to make it in this rain, I should leave now. I'm gonna go get my clothes, sit tight," Ed stood, throwing back the dregs of May's science-experiment-cum-latté and turned toward the employee's door. Roy sighed as he started to pack his things up, sliding his raincoat over his button up and grabbing the umbrella that had been leaning against the fireplace.

"Here's your jacket. Thanks for letting me borrow it," Ed tossed the dark blue hoodie at Roy's face, and he was overwhelmed by the smell of _Ed_. Like sunshine, honey and leather. No one had the right to smell _that_ good.

"Yeah, sure. Do you want a ride back? It's no problem," Ed shook his head, his shoulders tensing just a bit. Roy winced at his own stupidity.

"No, I'm alright. Thanks for the offer, but I'd rather walk. I don't do cars," _understandably so. Roy Mustang, your are an ass._

"Then keep the jacket and the umbrella, you need them more than I do," Roy held them out for Ed, who looked at the proffered items like they would bite. Stupid though his thoughtlessness was, this situation was still salvageable.

"I'm not going to steal your—" Roy rolled his eyes and yanked the soft blue fabric over Ed's blonde hair, taking the moment as an excuse to brush his fingers against Ed's well formed (if a bit mismatched) shoulders.

"Just let me help you, idiot." After much grumbling, Ed was comfortably situated in Roy's too-big jacket, umbrella clenched a little too tightly in his flesh hand.

"Look, in full disclosure, I'm weird as hell and even though we're off to a pretty good start here, I'm kind of a dick with an excess of emotional baggage that you probably don't want to have to deal with," Ed's posture was stiff and his face determined. "That being said, I think you're pretty awesome and I hope you can keep putting up with my bullshit," Roy smiled at Ed with no small amount of fondness.

"Of _course_ I—" and before anything else could be said, Ed's cold, chapped lips were pressed against Roy's warm ones in the shortest, most awkward goodbye kiss he'd ever had the pleasure of experiencing.

"I'll see you Monday, asshole!" Ed was out the door before Roy could even begin to formulate an appropriate response. He stood there, fingertips pressed to his lips and staring out at the rain for far longer than he'd like to admit, thoughts full of sun and silver.


	3. Bets and Colds

A/N: I'll probably be updating this later, but I thought I'd post it (unedited) as a valentine's day gift!

Ed chalked up his recent indiscretion to idiocy. Sheer, unrepentant stupidity. He couldn't believe he'd actually _kissed_ the bastard. It was so completely, utterly out of character for him. As was his studied avoidance of the hot piece of man-meat that plagued his thoughts. It had only been a week since the damn coffee date, and Ed had been doing everything he could to keep clear of Roy.

He didn't even know _why_ he was so embarrassed, Roy _had_ seemed to like it. Then again, Ed hadn't had a healthy relationship—hell, a relationship _period_ —since that ill-fated dalliance with Ling. And that was _years_ ago. Al hadn't been much help, either. After being briefed by May, the little asshole wouldn't shut up about it. 'Oh, but _brother_ , it's your first date in _forever_! And he sounds so _nice_!' Stupid meddling brat.

Ed looked down at the file of paperwork he'd been sitting in front of for the past hour. Maybe a change of scenery was needed—he certainly wasn't getting any work done in the stuffy office. With a sigh, Ed gathered up his folders and messenger bag. The courtyard should be mostly empty around this time, and some fresh air would do him good. Coffee in hand, Ed ambled out the door and around the corner, only to run face first into a well-muscled chest. The cup of coffee, crushed between Ed and Roy, spilled over the front of Ed's shirt. Thank god for his penchant for dark colours.

"God _dammit_ Mustang, you owe me a coffee," Ed growled, wiping the cold brown liquid off his bag. _Great. Just fucking peachy._

"Oh, god, Ed I'm _so_ sorry, here, let me help—" Roy unwound the scarf around his neck and started dabbing at Ed's chest. _Too close, fuck he's too close_ —Ed finally looked up at the object of his torment. He was more than a little frazzled.

"You look like shit, Mustang," which, while true, probably wasn't the right thing to say just then. Roy's face fell, Ed winced at his choice of words. The normally put-together professor was pale and unkempt. His eyes were glassy and deep purple bruises under his eyes lent him a sickly pallor. Paired with a wrinkled shirt and a blazer that looked worse for wear, Roy wasn't at all in tip top shape.

"I mean—shit—Roy, why don't you take the rest of the day off? You look like death warmed over. I'm sure Havoc can cover your class," _Great apology there, Ed._

"I really can't afford the day off, bio-methods has that big test on Monday. If it weren't for the department's no-retest policy, maybe, but I just don't think Jean can adequately prepare them," Roy's protest was quiet, almost subdued. His voice was gravelly, but in an _entirely_ unsexy way... more I've-got-too-much-phlegm-in-my-throat rather than Let-me-bed-you.

"Really, what good are you as a teacher if you can barely stay on your feet?" Ed reached up to press a hand against Roy's cheek— _god, he's burning up_. Dark blue eyes fluttered shut and Roy leaned very slightly into Ed's touch. Ed snatched his hand away and took a step back, trying his hardest not to look at him.

"Okay, look. _I'll_ take over for you," the hasty offer, made with a _mostly_ sturdy voice, was met by a rather dubious stare. "Don't forget that it's _my_ post you've taken over, Roy. I think I can handle one class," Ed rolled his eyes. Oh bastard of little faith.

"If you're sure you don't mind..." Roy still didn't look one hundred percent convinced. Ed nodded resolutely, and the smile Roy graced him with was enough to have him weak in the knees. "Thank you, Ed. Really. I'll be right as rain by Monday." Roy reached a hand out as if to touch him, only to pause, apparently re-thinking his action. His hand fell back down to his side and Ed wasn't quite sure if that feeling in the pit of his stomach was relief or disappointment.

"Okay, great, awesome, well rest up! Drink lots of water and stuff. Or like, soup. Whatever." _Stupid, stupid, stupid_. Ed high tailed it in the opposite direction, not sparing a look back. His pace was too fast and is breathing too short, Ed had no idea how to handle this. None.

"Dr. Mustang, I've got the slides ready for—Dr. Elric?" Jean Havoc looked up from the laptop, his face showing much apprehension. Ed sighed. Having already worked with Havoc as his own TA, he knew the man to be good at what he did, if somewhat lazy. Their relationship, while friendly most of the time, got much better after the pressure of having to answer to Ed was lifted from Jean's shoulders.

"Roy—Dr. Mustang—went home sick. I'm filling in," Ed dropped his bag down by the desk, nudging Havoc out of the way to look at the day's topic. The fair-haired TA nearly leapt away from the line of fire. Their current module on protein assays and specialty equipment was a hard one, and the classes Ed taught always struggled with it. Flipping through the slides Roy had prepared, Ed noted that he was very thorough... maybe he _should_ audit one of his classes. For real this time.

As the students shuffled into the classroom, their conversations quieted. Ed glanced about... he had an idea. A brilliant, _evil_ idea. Ed waited patiently as everyone was seated before stepping up to the front of the room.

"Alright, listen up—Dr. Mustang isn't here today, so you're stuck with me. And we're going to be pulling a little prank on the good doctor," groans erupted, and were quickly silence by Ed's patented glare. Only May seemed to be truly enjoying herself as she leaned forward eagerly in her seat.

"Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to teach this class, _and_ I'm going to be nice enough to send you all a review guide for Monday's test, which, _so help me god you all had better study_. When Dr. Mustang gets back, we're going to tell him that you all watched two hours of Bill Nye. Are we clear?" Giggles sprung up among nods and quiet 'yes sir's. Ed grinned, glancing over at Havoc (who looked none-to-happy to be there) before launching into the first slide of the presentation.

Ed _hated_ Mondays. More than most people hated Mondays. Mondays were the invention of a malevolent god, given unto man for the sole purpose of putting Edward Elric in a piss poor mood. _This_ particular Monday afternoon found Edward very nearly asleep in his office, eyes closed and feet thrown haphazardly over the cluttered mahogany desk. There comes a point when one has _so much_ to do, that one instead does absolutely nothing.

The rather loud sound of the door being flung open startled Ed badly—he jerked upright, knocking over the tepid coffee that had been left precariously close to the edge of the desk. The interloper—Roy, _of course_ —stood fuming in the doorway, his face a mask of pure, unfettered _rage_. Oh, now _this_ is going to be good.

"That's _two_ coffees you owe me now, you know," Ed tempered his voice to boredom as he rustled through his bag, pulling out a fistful of napkins. He dabbed at his jeans, trying not to grin.

"I—you—what the _actual_ fuck Ed? You let them watch Bill Nye for two hours? What were you _thinking_? They're all going to fail that test and then my average for the semester is going to be utter _trash_!" Roy's tone was a healthy mix of desperation, alarm, and disappointment. He had yet to move from the doorway, and his frame was nearly shaking. Ed wasn't sure if it was the weekend of rest and relaxation or the anger, but he was looking _good_.

"Oh come on Roy, I'm a genius. They'll learn by osmosis just by being in my general vicinity. _Trust_ me on this," Ed tossed the sopping napkins into the bin beside the bookshelf, followed shortly thereafter by the empty paper cup. He'd try to salvage the mess of paperwork later.

"That's absolutely ridiculous, and you know it. I _demand_ a retest," Roy finally took a single step into the room, shutting the door a bit harder than strictly necessary. He paused, waiting for Ed to say something. When met with silence, he slowly approached the desk, leaning over to rest his hands on the edge. Ed was making quite a show of lounging in his chair, despite the looming presence above him. Time for phase one.

"Tell you what, Roy, we'll make it a bet. If they do as badly as you think they will, you win and you can have a retest. Hell, if there's even _one_ B in the crowd, you can retest. But if they've got a 90 minimum, then _I_ win," Roy leaned back, abandoning his threatening posture for one of suspicion.

"...What do you get if you win?" His tone was clipped. Ed looked up from under his lashes, the picture of innocence.

"I'll let you know when I decide."

Roy crossed his arms, looking more than a little frustrated. After a moment of hesitation he nodded once, sharply, before turning on his heel and vacating the room without another word.

Wednesday afternoon found Ed with his head on his desk, the picture of a man at the end of his wits. If he had known that being department chair would be so fucking _tedious_ he would have told old man Grumman where to shove it. As it was, Dr. Alex Armstrong was petitioning for a larger budget—what the _fuck_ does astrophysics need an extra four thousand dollars for anyway?— and Dr. Olivier Armstrong was demanding more leeway for her sports sciences students. _Sports science_. Ed, in his not so humble opinion, didn't even think it should be a field of study. Not to mention the administration being on his ass about the falling numbers of doctoral candidates. Was it _his_ fucking fault that none of the potentials were worthy of acceptance? _No_. He felt _completely_ justified in pairing down the program.

Ed glanced over longingly at his coffee cup—long since empty—and groaned. He sat up slowly before grabbing several handfuls of trash (and some papers that might not be, strictly speaking, _trash_ ) and throwing it all in the general direction of the bin. None of it made it in.

Ed leaned forward to stand, but stilled as the door to his office was nudged open by none other than Dr. Mustang. "Jesus, do you _ever_ knock anymore?" Ed growled, not at _all_ pleased to see Roy. Nope, not even a bit. The brunette smiled widely, holding up two paper cups, _Curtis Coffee House_ emblazoned on the side. So there _is_ a god.

"How did you do it?" Roy handed off one of the cups to Ed before sitting down in the chair across from him. He looked very pleased and only slightly incredulous.

"Do what?" Ed took a long sip, scorching his tongue in the process.

"No seriously, _how_? Don't play dumb. The lowest grade of the whole class was a 92. That's _never_ happened, my tests are hard!" Ed smiled beatifically.

"I told you. I'm a genius. I rubbed off on them," Roy shook his head, apparently resigning himself to the fact that he'd never get a straight answer.

"Sure you did, smarty pants. So, have you decided what you won?" Ed's grin was wide, and scarier than it really should have been. Roy's own happy smile faded a bit.

"You're coming to the next department poker night. It's at my house on the first Saturday of every month. Bring booze and a lot of ones," Roy choked out a surprised laugh, having been caught entirely off guard. Sure, he could have just asked him to come. But in all honesty, that held a connotation that Ed wasn't quite ready to address.

"Are we playing poker or paying for a stripper?" Ed shuddered, his mind quickly going places it really shouldn't as he pushed the image of a very drunk, very naked, _very_ affectionate Alex Armstrong out of his head.

"Don't worry about it. Just be there, 8PM sharp. I'll text you the details later," Roy stood slowly, cradling the warm coffee against his chest as he paused to think about something.

"I never gave you my number, though," Ed rolled his eyes, as he motioned to shoo Roy out.

"I'm your _employer_ , idiot. Of course I have your number. Now get out of here before I decide I want something else. You'll hear from me soon," Roy shrugged, before heading toward the door.

"I certainly hope I do," Roy winked at Ed as he made his retreat, leaving the younger man with a decidedly stupid grin on his face.


End file.
